Take, for instance, my Obsessive-Compulsive control freak alter ego: that lady knows what she wants and will stop at nothing (except maybe a can’t-miss shoe sale) to get it. She is tenacious (bitchy) and will bite your head off if you so much as mess with the fringe on the pillows. She will also throw a hissy-fit (part of the drama queen is called in here) if you don’t do things exactly the way she wants them done. And, God forbid, you fuck with her mind – let’s just say hell hath NO fury than this woman scorned (she is the really shrewd one, after all). I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without her (poor example, I know).
The Tourette’s–having drama queen appears often since she is summoned most often by the other personas. OCD control freak (AKA freak) almost always needs her for a meltdown, spider-sighting (or other equally disgusting varmint), or for busting a fringe-messer-upper. However, drama queen can venture out all by herself at times. A good example of this is when she sees (a hottie), hears (Lady Gaga), or touches (insert imagination here) something she really likes – she will squeal, shriek or scream with delight. At times, she will also make an appearance as a simple eye-roll, sigh, or much-louder-than-necessary-sneeze. Then again, it could be a full-on panic-laden pissfest, shit-hit-the-fan, get-the-hell-away-from-me-right-now-before-you-lose-an-eyeball kind of drama that only a select few have been privileged enough to see. That lady keeps me guessing and certainly keeps me on my toes.
The flea-market-trolling, garage-sale-going, traveling gypsy is the tacky, cheesy (and a tad bit trashy) side of me. She will spend hours looking at nothing and everything all at the same time. What the hell is she looking for in these dumpsters that puked crap with price tags? She has no clue (story of my life), but she loves doing so and will do it any chance she gets. Perhaps she was born back in the 70’s and early 80’s when I was a youngster and would troll various flea markets for hours on end by myself while my dad would pile a bunch of shit on the hood of his car to make a few bucks. Funny thing was, we always spent more than we made and went home with more shit then we came with, so what did we accomplish? Nothing, except succeeding in making his house look more and more like a bad episode of Hoarders (and making friends with carnies and circus people during the off-season).
The impulsive, spur-of-the-moment decision-maker has waned over the years. She’s still there, and on occasion will pay me a visit, but she is more respectful of the OCD control freak and therefore, listens to her plan of action most often. However, there are times when she will get sick and tired of freak planning everything two in years in advance and sticking to a specific regimen, that she’ll overpower freak and do her own damn thing. If it ends badly (which is more often than not – buy the book for details, cheap ass), drama queen will inevitably step in for an all-hell-breaks-loose tantrum (don’t you love how they all intertwine?).
The horny, rebellious teenager is possibly my favorite doppelganger (hubby’s too). It needs absolutely no explanation since it is really quite self-explanatory. Seriously, I’m at the age where most women peak sexually (30’s and 40’s) so it’s not unusual (about the only thing about me that isn’t), but perhaps, most women don’t go around proclaiming it like I do. It’s not like I kiss and tell (sorry pervs), but I do have quite the passionate side and I’m proud of that. I’ve been called quite a few things in my life, but prude or frigid is not one of them.
Right about now, I know you must be thinking, “Wow - how the hell does she do it? How does she manage all of these completely different personas and still appear like she has her shit together?” Well, I must tell you, it has taken me years to achieve this perfect balance (jealous much?). A while back, I held my own meeting of the fantastical minds and I laid it all out for each one of them. I let it be known that since there were several of them living in just one body; we had to find a way to all get along. Not to mention, the meds work wonders. All kidding aside, life goes pretty swimmingly when you let your true self (selves) shine through…
